No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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