i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
