I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
