Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
