Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
why is half of my head shaved?
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