Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
