should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
