i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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