you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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