Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
