The maid of honor just puked.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
