what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
