I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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