i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
