I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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