You really coming over, don't trick.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
