My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
