dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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