Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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