I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
