my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
