What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
