Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
