Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
