I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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