all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't deserve a penis
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize