I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
