Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
