I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
