Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
