lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
