I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
