playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
did i just pee glitter
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
