my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
