Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
