8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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