there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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