There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
