Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
