PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
