So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
