If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
