Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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