Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
