At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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