i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
