i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
