This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Soap is not a condiment
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
