Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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