I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
