Pants 0. Shit 1.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize