my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just forgot I was standing up.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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