So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
