it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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