I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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