Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
