Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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