there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize