Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
