Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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