she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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