i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
