Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
