In the future we'll all be gay
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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