so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
