We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
