Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
