Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
nutella sex= disaster
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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