theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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