I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
