sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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