If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
