I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
