No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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