oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
