TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Acid is not a monday night drug
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
