this boner is exhausting
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
