Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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