The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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