i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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