Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
