He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
