in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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