If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
