the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
