Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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