I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
