dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
