i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
where are you?
Hypothermia
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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