I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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