Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
