Who did Billy Mays play for?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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