Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
