u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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