I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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