you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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