My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
